| vent |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|01:05 pm] |
I think its just a matter of respect. I feel like my sister doesn't respect my relationship with Dan. For whatever reason, whenever I'm talking to him on the phone she is loud and talking making it difficult for me to be able to hear.
Like yesterday, for example, we were riding in the car and I was talking to Dan, she had the music up. It was a little louder than I would have it whilst talking on the phone, but whatever. Well, it wasn't until her bf called after I got off the phone and she turns down the music. WTF. Really??
And of course, when she's on the phone, I try to keep quiet bc its only the polite thing to do. Fuck that shit.
So, today shes out riding with a guy she works with. Woopty fucking doo. I just want to be like "You do realize you have a son that you barely spend time with, right?" I mean she might see him for a couple hours when she gets home from work, but half the time she comes in and locks herself in her room to talk to her bf. And when she does spend time with him she yells at him for crying, when he's just crying because she's not paying attention to him.
I love my sister. She's one of the few family I have, but she really plucks my nerves sometimes. Be responsible and take care of your kid. I mean, I know I'm here with her to take care of him, but thats supposed to only be when she's at work. I didn't sign up to be his mother. |
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| I'm no superman |
[Jan. 12th, 2007|11:58 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Dans | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lazlo Bane "Superman" | ] |
Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
That's right
You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all
I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall
One of my new favorite songs. I'm trying to make it up here in Bristow. I still miss everyone from back home greatly. I want to come back to visit as soon as i can. |
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| Fucked up again |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Compy Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silence | ] |
Thus far, my track record=not so good. Is not that I make alot of mistakes, its just that I do things without thinking them over properly. Like moving to northern VA, I didn't think it over enough.. nor did I use my time wisely. When I first moved, I was just so happy to be away from Suffolk, I wasted all my time at Dans and then at the last minute fond myself freaking out because I was almost out of money. I know that I fucked up. I have no problem admitting that. So now, in order to fix it, I'm moving back to Suffolk for a little while so I can save up my money, and the next time I move, I'll do it right. |
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| Homesick |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|01:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | dans | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | R.E.M- Losing my Religion | ] |
I'm so amazingly homesick. Which is funny, because I hated it in Suffolk. I just miss the people. I need a job. I need to meet people here so i'll be more comfortable. I have rent for this month, but not for next month. If i dont get a job, I'm fucked. Wish me luck |
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| What do I want? |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|02:03 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my head | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kings of Leon | ] |
It seems the more i sit in silence, the louder it gets.
Now, I know what you are saying. "Shelly, that makes no fucking sense what-so-ever."
You're right, in a way.
But then, you are also wrong.
Whenever I'm alone in quiet, my mind races with all these thoughts flooding in at once.
I don't pretend to know everything. And I know that I have alot to learn.
All I can do is just live my life the best way that I know how.
How is that?
I'll let you know when i find out.
I, like many, still don't know what I want.
Just in general. In life. What do I want?
http://pics.livejournal.com/shell_eh/pic/0000139s/s320x240
^ I want this to be a part of it though. ^ |
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| Update |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my head | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab for Cutie "Photobooth" | ] |
update from the last entry:
I'm taken. We finally labelled things. I have a boyfriend. woot!
It's funny to think about it though. Having a boyfriend used to be such a simple thing, but now that I'm older, its more important. Its no longer the school kid thing. It just has more meaning now.
I don't know what the future holds. My life is going amazingly well. The next thing that needs to happen is moving out of suffolk and then it will be even better. I can't wait. |
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| I dont know anymore |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|05:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cat Power-"Good Women" | ] |
Do you know that feeling were you lay everything out on the line in hopes that the same will be returned? Well, Dan and I are not technically boyfriend and girlfriend. We didn't label anything. But, I keep finding myself wanting a label so bad it hurts.
Throughout the conversation the other day, he made the comment of "I'll leave the labeling to you." Before I really even thought about it, I found myself with the worst case of word-vomit ever. I kiddingly told him "well, I'm calling you my boyfriend. Deal with it."
It was basically my way of throwing all of my feelings on the floor in front of him in the only way I know..joking. It completely weirded him out..which, in turn weirded me out. It was bad bad bad. I felt like he just walked around the puddle of feelings in the floor afraid to get near it for fear of death.
The only thing is, I know he doesn't want it labeled because then the "freedom" of everything would be gone. Which doesn't make sense, because we're basically going out..without actually going out. I don't get it. It just frustrates me now, because I feel lost and confused about everything. |
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| feelings... |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|03:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | snow patrol "chasing cars" | ] |
i hate that i have trouble expressing my feelings. i know it frustrates him so much. when i say "i love you" im not just saying it. i mean what i say. im not a jealous person, but i keep finding myself with little pangs of jealousy.
im not used to this. love has changed me into a "caring" person. ive never felt this way before. ive never been so happy in my life. and at the same time, ive never been so terrified.
everything is perfect. the only reason we ever have "arguements" is when i cant tell him how i feel about something. i cant say how i feel because im afraid of being hurt. i feel like if i let someone in, theyll just leave. thats what im afraid of..im afraid that he'll just leave.
i know that i have problems. but everyone does. some are just better off than others. i dont believe that im bad off. i know alot of people who are worse off. all i can do is just try and learn to express the way i feel more easily.
or just be alone for the rest of my life...i'd rather not take the latter. |
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| Things to do Before You Die. |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|06:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | melissa ferrick:everything i need | ] |
-Lay in the middle of the floor..For no reason.
-Jump off the roof of your house.
-Stand on your head and sing the alphabet..backwards.
-Try to race an old lady in a Cadillac
-Hug a stranger
-Sing to someone you love
-Dance.Whenever you feel like it;even if there is no music.
-Get married.
-Make-out on the ferris wheel(at age 50)
-Go sky-diving
+ Kiss the ground when you get back.
-Call someone..to just talk..not because you need something.
-Fall in love.
-Make a mistake and laugh at it, rather than cry.
-Just laugh.
-Dont be afraid of getting hurt |
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